Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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