My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just had sex bonerless
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
