it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
