i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
