i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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