census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
