how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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