you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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