so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
