all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
