We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
