I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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