remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
