big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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