I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
