just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
