Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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