Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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