He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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