just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
