You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
