You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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