I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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