I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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