put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
