I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
