I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
