meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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