Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
