TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
