why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
