considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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