M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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