So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
