I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
