Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
