Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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