the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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