we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's never too late to be topless.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
