it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
