ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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