Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
