I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
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Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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