He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
