My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
