Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
