First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
