I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I still have a little drunk in my system
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
