Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
