i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
