Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
