My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
