this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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