I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
