I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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