Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
