highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
