Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
