idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
