If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
