At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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