i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
