I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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