The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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