I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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