I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
