wakey wakey hands off snakey
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
