Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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