we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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