My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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