I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
