i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
