I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize