This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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