I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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