So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
