I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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