On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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