You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Alive.
So much puke
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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