We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
