May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize