He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
